Catching Up to Our Dreams

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It’s time to live our life “like it’s golden.” I have a personal abundance challenge going and I want you aboard this happiness train. This is how it goes. We put our wildest, most wonderful goals and dreams into the universe and we simply say “Yes! And So It Is!” We talk about these dreams to whoever will listen. In order for the law of yes to work, we have to place our dreams firmly and brazenly into the ether. Say it! Write it. Dance it! Draw it. Meditate and pray on it. Sing it! Visualize it. It is there waiting to happen.

Next, we create a plan of action. No goal can be securely planted and enacted without the seeds of preparation and good old-fashioned thinking it out. Write possible ways to achieve your dreams and who can help you get there. After the planning, we must fully accept that it can, will and is happening in our lives. Right now. You have placed energy there, so the seedling of thought is growing into a wild, bountiful forest of actualization. Finally, we allow the universe to work its magic with the simple power of YES. The universe is here to support all of us. You have to release some control and let things unfold. Your job isn’t to worry about how exactly it will happen. Instead, accept that it is happening and move aside to let God, the ancestors, your angels, and the universe to rally around you and lift you towards your dreams.

It sounds frilly, but it’s real. I firmly know that all the things that have come into my life were because I’ve been bold enough to say “Yes” despite my fear and the universe supported me. I have healed past trauma, traveled to at least 10 countries (mostly alone and without wealth), become an author, learned to walk without a limp, found a beautiful love, family and friends who nurture my growth, gotten every job I have ever interviewed for, found a spiritual home of a bunch of wonderful, happy folks who think as I do (Bodhi Spiritual Center), and have been deliriously happy since I realized that I had a choice to choose happiness. Some call it dumb luck or being “favored”. I am no more special than you are. We are all special. We are one. We are all favored. The universe doesn’t play favorites. There is enough abundance for us all. There is no lack except for the lack we create.

How many things have you set your mind to doing and it got done? How many times have you thought of something or someone and they materialized before you? Surely, it has occurred often because the same principle is at work. The problem is that some of us are terrified of thinking big because it means being vulnerable and revealing our true heart’s desire. We are our only inhibitors, and it’s time to get out of our own way.

This is what we must remove for any of our dreams and grand goals to occur: Get rid of the word and thought “no” as it relates to your dreams. No is rooted in doubt, fear, and negativity. I’d say that these emotions are all big, scary monsters that defeat us, but that’s not the truth. They can never defeat us unless we allow it. The truth is these are all little punk emotions –doubt, fear and negativity – that are afraid of your greatness. Like all punks, you’ve got to push them aside, tell them to shut up and move on with the business of being the “YOU” that you were put on this earth to be.

Saying “no” is the surest and fast way to NOT get what you want. Example:

Your heart says: “I want to be a world traveler, get my MBA and climb Volcano Pacaya.”

Your fear, doubt and negativity say: “No, I can’t.” And so it is. Your wish has been fulfilled. See how easy that was?

It’s simple. The longer you tell yourself “no”, the longer you will stay disconnected from your happiness and the source of your true power. Say “Yes!” Claim your personal, God-given power. Accept only Yes. We are not here to suffer and struggle and lament about what we coulda, woulda and shoulda done. We are here to walk our beautiful journeys, be our best selves, be happy, and be successful at whatever it is that we are meant to do. So let’s synergize, believe, plan, and actualize. Now.

I’ll kick us off and then I want you to publicly and brazenly claim what is yours as well!

My Dreams Right Now:

1. I will continue to travel the world and connect with all of the other beautiful people on this earth.

2. I have my own successful, arts-based business that brings me financial abundance, allows me to continue helping others, and fills my spirit with joy.

3. I live in a neighborhood that is filled to the brim with resources and makes me feel happy, supported and safe.

4. I easily save enough money for my child to attend the college of her choice.

5. I will remain with the love of my life for the next ten lifetimes or even better.

6. I dance as much as I smile.

7. I have all the time that I need to write and act. Both bring me financial wealth as well as happiness.

8. My first young adult novel is published this year.

9. I see and revel in nature in the form of mountains, trees or large, beautiful bodies of water often.

YES. And so it is. (Breathe it in.)

Notice that I didn’t say what I want in the future. I said what I want and have RIGHT NOW because I’ve just planted that seed and I trust the universe to do its work in helping me to actualize these goals. Now, it’s your turn. You can post it here at my site, as your FB post for the day, tweet it, place it on your dream board, or write it in your journal. Where doesn’t matter. What matters is that you take the time to put it in the universe. That starts the chain reaction. I wish you nothing but abundance, fulfillment and joy. Tag. You’re it! What is it that you want? What are your dreams?

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Huff Post article: Differences Between Gay and Hetero Parenting

There was a recent article in the Huffington Post by Stephanie Pappas about Gay vs. Hetero Parenting. Those who’ve read my book, Let’s Get This Straight, know my feelings on this, and it is important for me to share new information.

Truthfully, I don’t like that LGBTQ parents have to constantly “prove” that they are okay to the wider heterosexual community. Many of these parents are more than okay (many being quite friggin awesome) and don’t need to prove this fact to some idiot who could care less about the children in the home and just want to spew their disapproval for the gays (once again). Who cares what the idiots like or want? I understand the need for research, especially in this homophobic society, but it gets under my skin that we need “validation” to be who we are and that we get so much unwarranted hostility towards us.

However, I appreciate researchers/sociologists/psychologists such as Dr. Judith Stacey, Dr. Tim Biblarz, Dr. Abbie Goldberg, Dr. Brian Powell, and David Brodzinsky (all quoted in this article) who dedicate themselves to sharing information about different family configurations. I also liked Dr. Judith Stacey’s statement that “two good parents are better than one good parent, but one good parent is better than two bad parents.” This is the case whether they are LGBTQ or hetero parents. Good parenting is the objective. The sad part is that some (including Pope Benedict) and ridiculous politicians which are too many to name would prefer that children not have parents at all than to be parented by loving gay folks. The hate in this message makes my stomach churn and my temper burn. This vitriol is the problem, not my mother. Get over it, folks. Whether you like it or not, our families are here. (cue the Puffy “Bad Boys for Life” song because it’s apropos) “We ain’t goin’ nowhere, we ain’t – going nowhere. We can’t be stopped now. We’re [family] for life.” Let me know what you think about the HuffPo article, fam.

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Tips for Long-Lasting Love

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My husband and I often hear that we are role models in regard to our loving relationship. Although we have no intention of being the “hip-hop Cosbys” (as our friend, Sean, calls us) we have indeed been in a happy, healthy, fulfilling union for 14 years. As we approach our 12 year wedding anniversary this year, I’ll reveal some of the “secrets” to our relationship’s success.

Friendship – One of the most important agreements in our relationship is that we are friends first. Before being lovers, before being husband and wife and before our role as parents, we are friends through and through. For us, friendship is wanting the other to be the best they can be and doing everything you can to support them without wanting anything in return. We cultivated this by being platonic friends for years before we ever dated and when we began dating, we put off sex for a year to make sure that lust didn’t deceive us. This allowed us to love and know each other as friends before becoming lovers. Our friendship is rooted in consistent, respectful, open communication.  We talk about everything, with nothing being too taboo for fear of hurt feelings. We are honest, but loving in our communication. We also have great fun together and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. However, we don’t smother. We’re both fiercely independent and loners, so we give each other needed space to grow individually as we do together. We find what works for us and we go with it, adapting when necessary.

The Whole Equation - As romantic as it sounds in the film Jerry McGuire, the “you complete me” logic doesn’t quite work for us. We believe that we had to get our crap together before entering a relationship so that we could come into the relationship whole and ready to function like emotionally-stable adults. I had to work on my trust issues and learn to stop being so evil and he had to drop his nonchalance and ego. Some relationships don’t work because one of the partners wasn’t ready to be in a relationship or didn’t realize that he/she still had major unresolved issues that could kill the relationship. This is not about being perfect. It is more about getting your own house in order before dirtying up someone else’s with your mess. Neediness was also kicked to the curb. We don’t “need” each other to be whole. We simply want to be together and for us, that is enough.

PYP – This is my husband’s favorite term. We believe firmly in “playing your position”. We let each other be who we are. We don’t micromanage. We don’t try to change each other or force the other to be who he/she is not. I don’t wear heels and he wears colorful sneakers to work. I don’t wash dishes and he doesn’t clean toilets. Who cares? He eats meat; I don’t, but I cook it for him. The love and acceptance is unconditional. We also don’t try to parent each other. We respect each other’s decisions and let each other live. I don’t nag incessantly and he doesn’t do the machismo thing. When he wants to go out or ride his motorcycle, I say “see you later”. There is no guilt trip or barrage of unnecessary questions and drama. When I say I’m going to Guatemala for a month, he says, “Do you need any money?” and “I guess it’s gonna be a lonely month.” We support each other’s interests, passions and goals. We play our position.

Ego Slip – We constantly check our egos to make sure that we are being flexible and cooperative. We also compromise without making a big deal out of it. We see compromise as a win-win, not a win-lose. If we are both happy and feeling respected, then we both win. There are very few big arguments (maybe 2x a year) and more calm, quick discussions. We apologize when we hurt or offend the other. It sounds simple, but ego can make this simple act very difficult. We admit when we are wrong and quickly and sincerely apologize. Then, we let it go. There’s no need to hold on to stuff that won’t strengthen the relationship.

Love is beautiful. Ego, possessiveness, neediness, poor introspection, fractured souls, and lack of effective communication are what make love more complicated than it has to be. For those of you in love, we wish you many blissfully fulfilling days together. Please share your love tips with us as well, so that all of our relationships can continue to grow and prosper from good love, great advice, and faith that what we have is worth preserving.

Love & Light, Tina & Jashed

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2012 Blog Goals

ImageHappy New Year Blamily (blog family)! I hope that your 2011 was wonderful and prosperous and that in 2012, that beauty and abundance will be magnified. This year, my goal is to add one new post each month. For some reason, I am being called to continue discussions around equality, cultural diversity, education, and youth empowerment, but I’d also like to venture more into discussions around successful relationships, rebuilding the black family unit, spirituality, and community development. As you know, I bring it with honesty, a direct approach, passion, and love, so I look forward to hearing your insights, opposing opinions, and solutions to this fabulous thing called life. In Light & Love, Tina   

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Jailing Juveniles Costs More Than Harvard?

A Chicago Sun-Times article reported that Cook County Board President, Toni Preckwinkle, reports that it costs roughly $224,000 per year, per child to keep a young person imprisoned at the Juvenile Temporary Detention Center on Chicago’s west side. In contrast, it costs $52,000 a year to send a child to college. We are discussing juvenile justice in my class and the disparity between funding for education versus imprisonment. The students see the problem clearly and are being sent a strong societal message that the system would rather lock them up instead of creating scholars and productive citizens. When are we going to realize that where the money goes, goes our future? It seems that Toni Preckwinkle gets that. Hopefully more people in positions of political and judicial power will catch on and redirect their energies and monies. Prepare and send our children to college, not jail. Their futures and ours, depend on it.

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Tina Fakhrid-Deen 08/10 by Sippin on Ink | Blog Talk Radio

Check out yesterday’s interview with Anondra “Kat” Williams of Sippin on Ink. SOI explores all things LGBT oriented and I was honored to be included in the discussion. We had a great chat about the LGBT family, so tune in! Also, check out her new book, black girl love!

Tina Fakhrid-Deen 08/10 by Sippin on Ink | Blog Talk Radio.

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Check Out Today’s Interview with Michelle McCrary of IsThatYourChild.com!

Happy Friday! Join us for today’s chat! I will be interviewed again to continue the conversation about the latest news in marriage equality and return to our discussion about how class/race operate in the community of LGBTQ families.  

Where: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/isthatyourchild

When: Friday, August 5th at 2:30 (central)/3:30 (eastern)

This is a great website, blog and internet radio show, Is That Your Child?, created and hosted by Michelle McCrary, a mother and writer whose goal is to provide support, voice and advocacy for mothers of color raising biracial or multiracial children. Check out her site and listen to her weekly show to learn more about the experiences of these parents and how you can educate yourself on these families. Michelle is committed to challenging the notion of the “traditional family” and educating those stuck in the matrix about diverse family structures. She invited me to talk on her radio show about Let’s Get This Straight (Thanks, Michelle!) in an effort to further the conversation on family. Check out our interview and be sure to tell others about how your family is configured in casual conversations. Communication and visibility leads to understanding and more open-mindedness. To Our Families, Tina

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